More Orgasms Please by The Hotbed Collective

Author: The Hotbed Collective

Title: More Orgasms Please 

Publisher: Vintage

Published: 2019

Pages: 368

Genre: Non-Fiction

     An orgasm will help you sleep and keep you looking younger, it doesn't cost money and isn't a scarce resource. So why is it that, like the pay gap, there is an 'orgasm gap' between women and men? The Hotbed Collective began life as a podcast with a mission to make life better one orgasm at a time'. Their debut book, More Orgasms Please is an open, honest, and at moments hilarious dive into all aspects of sex for women. It covers feminist porn, body image, menopause, and much more. Like the podcast that inspired it, More Orgasms Please is like the best sort of chat between friends: punchy and playful, normalizing and educating. It is an eye-opening read that puts women's bodies and our right to pleasure firmly on the map.

     More Orgasms Please is probably a book that I would not have come across had it not recently come up on my Instagram feed. And as a guy, I can safely say it is not one that most of us would talk about buying with people we know or walk up to a count and buy in a book store. And honestly, I'm not sure why this is. Do we in fact inherently feel so embarrassed about buying such a book? is it now so ingrained in who we are that the thought of giving a woman genuine pleasure is something to be ashamed about? It takes me back to that manliest of shows the Sopranos where Jr is terrified that if the others find out he has been going down on his girlfriend he will get whacked for it. Sometimes you have to sit in amazement at how far we have come yet we still fail to have a balanced sex life. But it is also not too hard to see when somewhere along the line the very words we use when we talk about sex have moved far more to the violent side of things. I wonder if this is a direct result of the fact most of our education comes from porn we find on the internet. A medium that is become more and more extreme in its content.

     Now being English we are far too often know the world over for our reserved attitude to the bedroom and all things related to sex. Now is this still as true as we are lead to believe? Personally I think probably not and more than likely it never was, too many quicky marriages of the past would show us that. But having sex and educating yourself on the many aspects of it are two very different things after all. And here is the crux of the argument being had just because plenty of people are having sex doesn't mean we are doing it well. A bit of education can always help everyone involved. And whilst the sex education I had at school was more than a little basic, it is after reading this apparent that many people at a school level got a great deal less, especially in places like America. Where it seems if a teacher even devoted fifteen minutes to the topic you were ridding above the national curve. So why is it we can talk endlessly about it but yet can't have meaningful conversations about something that most of the planet is doing? Are we still in fact stuck in that puritanical view of the past or is it that women too often are afraid to voice their opinions to the partners and men simply don't care enough to learn how to give orgasms. 

     So to the matter at hand, the book takes a much more relaxed look at the topic at hand. Gone are the cold scientific facts of a school textbook and videos replaced with a conversion that should be happening not only with yourself but also in bedrooms up and down the land. How is it as grown adults we still find this such a hard topic to talk about. When you sit down and truly think about it, it is such a silly thing to get hooked upon. Especially when the subject of men getting off can be found in most aspects of life. Just trying typing any word plus the word porn into the internet and look what comes up. But this is why books such as this are so very important, they act as a jumping-off point to start these talks that should be happening. It takes away some of the stigmas that are tangled up in the idea of the female orgasm. After all, is the whole joy in sex not greatly improved when all that are taking part are having as much fun as possible.  Do we not in fact owe it to our self to stop acting like giggling shy teenagers at the back of the class and say you know what this part isn't really working for me but I really enjoyed it when you did that, or I read about this way of doing it and I would really like to try it tonight.

     For me, the way in which the book is presented makes it accessible for pretty much anyone to get involved. Whilst there is humor to be found here, all the points they are trying to get across are backed up by data from various places across the world. It would also be worth pointing out that it helps a great deal, that much of this research is now being done by women who unsparingly have much more invested in the findings than their previous male colleague. Let's be honest many of them believed for the longest time that the vagina was merely an inside-out defective penis. Surely being able to give your partner regular and constantly good orgasm leads to a much healthier and happier relationship? So this is where it all comes to a point, why are we not talking about this as openly as other aspects of sex. Is it really such a bad one to have. And for men do we really find ourselves so lacking and ego-driven that if we can give her to climax by penetration alone we feel less of a man. It is better not to do it at all than admit some kind of weird defeat. Seriously what is so broken in us that that seems like the most logical conclusion. 

     For me, I think this is a book that can help so many women and indeed man comes to better understand when is need from them to achieve more harmony in not only their sex lives with others but also when it comes to those all too brief moment you carve out for some self-love. It comes down to this, sex education is something we can all benefit from no matter at sixteen or fifty-six. It shouldn't be something that is taken about in hushed tones and all too often not with the person you should really be having it with. So whether you read this on your own or together with whoever you choose to bring into your bed I fail to see how you won't pick up a few things that won't improve your sex life. It can also work as a giant jumping-off point for more fun exploration. Just remember if your both enjoying your selves it's a win-win situation.