Unreasonable Behaviour: An Autobiography by Don McCullin

Author: Don McCullin

Title: Unreasonable Behaviour: An Autobiography

Publisher: Vintage

Published: 1990

Pages: 320

Genre: Autobiography 

     'He has known all forms of fear, he's an expert in it. He has come back from God knows how many brinks, all different. His experience in a Ugandan prison alone would be enough to unhinge another man - like myself, as a matter of fact - for good. He has been forfeit more times than he can remember, he says. But he is not bragging. Talking this way about death and risk, he seems to be implying quite consciously that by testing his luck each time, he is testing his Maker's indulgence' - John le Carre

     In my teenage years, I became obsessed with Vietnam war films. I devoured everyone I  could come across. Big or small budgets made no difference to me. But these films were never going to entirely capture what it was like for the men and women who served out there. So I turned to the literary world in hopes of gleaming just a fraction of what it was like to have had boots on the ground. As I scoured the available information a set of photos came up time and again. With just a little digging the name Dom McCullin came up.  His images of the war seemed to capture some of the true horrors of what they faced in a raw and unfiltered way that I think the general public had not really been exposed to before. A great many years later I was able to go to an exhibit of his works this time however it was of the landscape of his home county. As it turns out just a few miles away from where I live. It was fascinating to see someone's work switched to a completely different subject matter. Yet his work still had the same ability to make you stop and just stare as if held by some unseen force.

     So this year when my birthday rolled around again I was lucky enough to receive a copy of his autobiography as a presant. Maybe in some ways, It was a good thing to have been going into this book fairly blind. Whilst his images will forever be in my mind the man himself was an enigma. I was curious to see how he would compare to others who had gone off to war. Not to fight however but to report back in one medium or another to the general public as to what was taking place. But before we could get to any of that McCullin would take us way back to the start of his childhood which was also in its own way shaped by a war. Having been evacuated during the blitz and then come back again long before the bombs stopped falling. But then again maybe it was a series of chance events that led him to have a camera in his hand. Perhaps for some, there is an inevitably to where life will lead them. Ether way McCullin tries to deliver a narrative of his life that doesn't shy away from some of the darkest times in more recent human history. But I suppose when you are present for so many of them maybe it is in some small party your duty to tell others of the place you have been and things you have seen.

     Much like his photos his use of words has a way of completely capturing the reader. We are drawn into these places with him and look through his eyes. I was astounded to learn of the great many countries he had traveled to in their worst moments as a photojournalist. But also this need he had deep down to go. This is a man who does not shy away when most of us would happily turn and run the other way. He has this nature that makes him want to turn and capture forever these moments of deep despair and grief.  To show us what it truly means to go and face the horrors of war. I wonder if in a world where games such as call of duty and battlefield have become global smash hits for those living in safe countries behind giant screens we have lost the ability to have the impact McCullins photos had back in the day.  But then again I still have a very guttural reaction when I see them so maybe reality still can pack a powerful punch. This is also a man who doesn't really shy away from his own miss doings. And whilst this does not paint him as some terrible person it allows us to gain a little more insight into him as a whole. 

     For me, there is a very interesting moment in the book where he questions his choice of profession. Not through any miss givings about the quilty of his photos but that of his subject matter. Is he right to go and win awards and accolades from moments of time captured when people are suffering so greatly?  And do we as the voyeurs of such works shoulder this fate too? I know the reaction I have to his works but I am none the wiser as to whether the subject of them are still alive or died long ago in a place whose name I struggle to pronounce. It is safe to say that it is not often I am struck by such a moral dilemma whilst reading a book. But for me, that can only be a good thing. It was fascinating to learn about his life and its ups and down and to understand his body of work in a much greater context. I can also say that it is maybe unfair to compare any of the war journalists I have read about. They all go for their own reason even if a great many come back suffering similar inflictions.