Men Who Hate Women: From incels to pickup artists, the truth about extreme misogyny and how it affects us all by Laura Bates

Author: Laura Bates 

Title: Men Who Hate Women 

Publisher: Simon & Schuster UK

Published: 2021

Pages: 368

Genre: Nonfiction / Feminism 

     The extremism nobody talks about. And how it affects us all. Imagine a world in which a vast network of incels and other misogynists are able to operate, virtually undetected. These extremists commit deliberate terrorist acts against women. Vulnerable teenage boys are groomed and radicalized. You don't have to imagine that world. You already live in it. Perhaps you didn't know, because we don't like to talk about it. But it's time we start. In this urgent and groundbreaking book, Laura Bates, bestselling author and founder of The Everyday Sexism Project, goes undercover to expose vast misogynist networks and communities. 

     Sometimes we pick up a book not to find some light entertainment or to get lost in the latest thriller. But instead, because we feel the need to educate ourselves about a subject or a group of people. For the most part, I feel this is an intrinsic human thing, this need to expand our knowledge and better understand our place in the world. And then just sometimes we come to books like Men Who Hate Women, A book in my case I read to see where we are falling to do all we can. I hope for my part that I do my best for the women in my life, but we can all fail at times and need a slight nudge to be reminded. With that said I have never found myself diving into the apparently not so murky depth that Bates goes to not only in researching this book but her day-to-day life. She showed me that there are whole groups of men who come together in the name of hate I had no idea were out there. And not only that, but just because I'm trying my best to actually be a good human being does that mean the men I choose to call friends are, and for that matter what does that say about who I choose to hang around with? Is it so ingrained in our society to simply expect misogyny that it's not even turning a blind eye to it anymore? Is in fact that most men simply don't register it as such anymore. 

     It's taken me a little over a week from finishing this book to being able to sit down and write this review. Its words have been bouncing about inside my head on a feedback loop. When did things get to be so bad or in fact have they always been this way. Is it only through my own blinkered view of the world that I  was not seeing this? But I suppose like most people I live in my own little bubble world one where sexism is rarely aimed at me. For those subjected to it on a daily basis, however, it is the most obvious thing in the world. they are left baffled as to why most men simply can't see it. I will put my hands up and admit I can and should do better. What I can say is that through her book, I have been exposed to some of the more radical and violent corners of the internet. A place where bitter feelings and twisted logic can fester unchecked before erupting in bouts of extreme violence. Who hasn't seen a news headline about murder sprees targeted at women? It has sadly become a part of our everyday lives.  So why do we just expect that these things happen and skip to the next channel?

     Maybe in part as she says in the book it down to the way in which news frames these stories. Never is the man painted as the course of the violence but rather the victim of unfair events. And how he was always driven to do what he did because some woman has done this or that to him. And yes it would be all too easy for the author to turn this back in the other direction. Which to be fair she does to some degree, after all this is the message I believe she is trying to get over. But this is not just some hit piece against such men. I believe she has done her best to try and dig out the root course of how our society came to be where it is. Indeed she goes as far as to show how such boys are groomed into these online communities. It would seem more often than not what they are looking for is a family that understands them and how they have difficulty finding their place in the world. What instead they find is other men waiting to prey on their insecurities, to fill that void with hate and bile that then keeps amplifying itself. the author has clearly spent a great deal of time hunting out the many different subsets that inhabit these corners and I believe she does a great job of giving an overview to the uneducated as to how each one operates. 

     It feels like sometimes for all the good the internet has done the bad just seems to weigh down too heavily on everything else.  As I made my way through the pages of this book I was left wondering how many of these barbaric acts would have still taken place had they not found these little viper's nests on places like Reddit.  A no man's land of unchecked hatred and self-victimization. I suppose too, this is part of human nature. We seek out those who think in similar ways to ourselves, but this only hardness our lines in the sand. After not too long we start to refuse to see anyone else's opinions. And even if two sets of conflicting opinions butt up against each other what unfurls is an ever-escalating argument with neither side willing to try and make sense of it. Now I'm not going to say that there a good people on both sides. It's a daft point to make and only goes to prove that the side you have chosen is probably the wrong one. But I do think there are people out there who need to get help for how they have ended up seeing the world.  Somewhere along the way things have gone dramatically wrong for them. This hurt has been turned inwards to the point it has become an unbridled rage at which point they have gone looking for someone else to focus it all on. And I suppose I need to believe there is a way back for them with the right kind of help. that people can be redeemed but maybe that is a very naive view of this world.

     So you might ask yourself what then is the point in a book such as this, For women, they already know this. It's a part of their everyday lives. No need to read about abuse on the internet, all they have to do is post on Twitter and sit back and wait. And for those so deep into the community they can never see that what they are saying is truly harmful a book such as this will never grace their bookshelves. And to be perfectly honest you would be right. But I think for people like me it helps a great deal, we can see the warning signs. Be it from a friend, family member, stranger on the internet, or in fact to our own behavior. Maybe we can turn to them and try and help them avoid becoming the next mass shooter static. And as bad as it sounds make them realize that women they are directing their furry at are in fact human beings and deserve to be treated accordingly. Not in fact some lesser thing only existing to serve their every need. Bates has created a book that you should in fact recommend far and wide. It is a carefully thought-out look at the world we have built for ourselves and the harm that can come when men start to see women as less than themselves.